When You Fail, Over and Over and Over…
I am taking this examination, has been since 2004. The first time I took, I understood why I failed it because I was struggling with debt and my mind was not on it like it should have been. The second time, I really studied for it and cried when I failed it. The third time that I took it, I failed. The fourth time I took it, I had an injury the weekend before the examination and failed it. The fifth time I took it, I passed part of it.
So this time I went back to take the necessary parts thinking that this will be over with soon. Unfortunately, I failed again.
So I had a conversation with God asking him for guidance after I had yelled at Him for leading me to believe that I had passed it. Friday and Saturday have not been the best days for me. My self-esteem is low. My self-confidence and self-worth are gone. I feel so defeated. I am trying to pick myself back up but I feel so many downfalls.
Then, as if to add insult to injury, chances are I don’t know if I will have a job. I can see the impatience in my boss’s eyes with me. I was suppose to be gone by now but I can’t get through this damn examination. Plus, I don’t have the money to pay for the examination and a course to study by.
Since I have made God mad with me due to my insensitive comments testing my faith in him, I can’t blame Him if he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. This has been the loneliness period in my life. I really don’t know what to do.
Failing the next exam is not an option. If I fail this exam, I have to take the entire exam over again. More money out of my pocket.
I just feel defeated and don’t know where to turn. Any advice?